is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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