Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
