It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
