so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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