so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
