things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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