and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
