help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
