theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
