i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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