surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
