I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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