i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
