and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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