the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize
