I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
