I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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