Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
