The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
