Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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