i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
