It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Michael Bay diarrhea
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
