If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
