i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
