Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
