By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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