break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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