Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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