I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
