I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think your dad took our porno
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
