he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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