you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What drink are we having for lunch?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
