The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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