Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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