Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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