The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
