Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
