3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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