he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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