So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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