I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
