You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
