Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
