I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
