i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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