Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
