I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
