You really coming over, don't trick.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
