I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
