dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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