i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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