i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
