Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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