Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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