I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
