Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
