I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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