Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
