Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
