How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
